Virtual Work: Euro Truck Simulator

How hard can it be to tow a trailer through Europe?

Firstly, I would like to apologise for the cruddy pictures. For some reason, the software I use for screenshots wouldn't work, so I had to use my phone. Sorry!

I begin my journey by picking out a super cool truck, although I only have the humble sum of 100,000 Euros to buy one. I choose the cool sounding Majestic C Class, which has a 320 kW (435hp) 2100 Nm, V6 121, 9 speed transmission and can hold a fuel tank of 5901. I don't know what most of that means, but it has words and numbers, so I imagine it's awesome.

Now sat in my £97,000 truck in the depot, I'm quickly shown the controls for how to operate the Majestic; which quickly goes horribly wrong.

I'm told, 'E' turns the engine on, UP is the throttle, Left-Shift changes up a gear, whilst left-CTRL goes down. I try everything, but can only muster up enough momentum to move very, very, very slowly. I figure out how to put the windscreen wipers on, use the horn, where the radio is, but not how to move.

I'm so good at video games, you guys. Honest

After around ten minutes of slow turning, I realise the Majestic is in park...pressing spacebar allows me to shift into first gear, and away I go! Into a Stop Sign.

STOP!

Now completely aware that a Stop Sign is no match for a truck, I begin my way to pick up my first job. Obviously driving 100% safely.

After a few bumps with the local residents, I make my way into the industrial park to pick a job!

I choose Stokes Ice Cream delivery to Newcastle which gets me the tidy sum of 2,200 Euros.

I turn around and back onto my trailer, and I'm prompted with "press T to connect the trailer", finally, something I do first time without casualties! I then make my way to Newcastle, knowing that this can't end badly. Can it?

After hitting E by accident as I'm coming into the road, I stop across both lanes, causing the traffic to beep at me as I start my engine and proceed to hit a car. After the slight mishap, I continue down the road and begin my journey as a Euro Truck Driver. Destination: Newcastle!

I see a digger and toot my horn to show I too am a manly man in a large vehicle  He doesn't toot back, so I can only assume he isn't as manly as I am.

With my journey in full swing, I head to the M1 en route to Newcastle, where the public is awaiting their Iced Cream treats, the bonny scamps.

Because I'm such a good Euro Truck Driver, I conserve fuel much more economically than most drivers. As such, it only costs me 113.00 Euros to fill my tank. Which, after travelling 100 miles means I'll be there in no time.

After getting lost, I decided to make a U-Turn on the M1, and I loose my trailer, causing a pile up from the oncoming traffic. Normally, I would panic, but as I'm a Euro Truck Driver, I know how to handle these situations. So, after reversing back onto the trailer, pushing it into the cars behind, I continue to ram into it until I'm able to reconnect the trailer, then head on my way. The traffic all tooting their horns in awe as they must be super proud how I handled the task so effortlessly. 

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

As I enter Newcastle, I get the strange feeling that it's the same place I picked the trailer up from earlier, only further up the map, but as I pass a sign that says Newcastle, I know I'm mistaken. I follow my handy navigation map, and continue to the drop off point. 

Entering the depot, I give them a few toots to let them know I've arrived, then drive up the yard and turn to back onto the loading bays, but as I turn too quick, I loose my trailer. Not to worry, I'm a pro at this...as the game crashed, I waited for ten minutes, only to be given a black screen and an error code telling me the news I already knew.

I'm not a good Euro Truck Driver.