Living A Lie: Atom Universe -

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Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Living A Lie: Atom Universe

Who wants to live in space? I do, so you must too!

After a ridiculous menu screen (of course, why wouldn't I want to use D-pad to select from the menu? Of course a floating virtual hand is much better!), I'm introduced to my fuck ugly avatar of the evening, and whilst I cannot give my disastrous space chimp a name, I call him "Glah-Bar" named after the one and only...well, nobody -- nobody is and should be called that.

So, after selecting through the ample amount of clothes (roughly about 4), I head off into the realm of the unknown...the realm of: Atom Universe!

Exactly 10 seconds into spawning into the hub world, I knew I'd made a terrible mistake. This place is awful. It looks bad, Glah-Bar doesn't know anyone, and what's worse, Glah-Bar is dressed in briefs, fingerless gloves, a pearl white mask, butterfly wings and an Elf hat.

He looks like a sexual deviant.

So, I decide to brave the new world order, and set off in search of like-minded space foreigners, and soon enough, I found them.

Now, what I found is actually up for debate, as these...people...seemed to be enjoying themselves. This is surely not right, and so, after showing them just how much of a suave space chimp Glah-Bar is, I decide that these people are not for me.

They just can't handle Glah-Bar.

After throwing down a few moves, I'm instructed by a fellow player to "back off". Quite what this means I don't know, Glah-Bar can only assume that it is space lingo for "sick moves, Glah-Bar!" so I bid them a salute and continue on my way.

After what feels like a lifetime (roughly about three minutes) I discover an item on the ground. So I pick it up. I'm then informed by a loud prompt that this is indeed, lost property, and I am to find 9 more items.

I can't believe my luck, just three minutes ago I was a lowly street dancer, now I am a detective.

I continue to search for what the Atom Universe people call "lost property", and I manage to snag three extra items, before having to take a break. Glah-Bar didn't sign up for this, Glah-Bar just wanted the thrills and frills of mingling with space people, who seem to have crash landed on a planet that's just an even blander version of Blackpool.

But, there's no time to question the life of an Atom citizen, and so I continue my quest for "lost property" which brings me to the now-called-kidnapping-and/or-murder-scene.

The ferris wheel. I found another "lost property" here, and I'm sure this is where the murder took place.

Now, you might be wondering what murder? Well, it seems that during Glah-Bars meander around the park, I decided that these are not items of "lost property" but a cry for help of a damsel who has been kidnapped, and she is leaving a trail for someone to come to her aid.

And so, I begin using my new found detective skills to solve the murder I just made up.

And just when I thought I was going to have to file the case away for another day, my brand new detective crime partner 'nuke123godbless' helped me crack the case.

Unbelievable, she had set the whole thing up!

Atom Universe, you are one crazy place.

Take her away Nuke!

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